Awful Video Games
by 017Bluefield
Summary: Morgan and Owain come across Kyoku, one of Blu's mentees, playing an awful video game known as Day One: Garry's Incident. Hilarity ensues. A Fire Emblem Awakening/Project Bluefield a.12 story. Based on TotalBiscuit's "WTF Is…?" video on the aforementioned game.
1. Kyoku

**Author's Note** : this is a three-way crossover between: A) _Fire Emblem Awakening_ ; B) my original concept, Project Bluefield; and C) TotalBiscuit's video on the legendarily bad survival game _Day One: Garry's Incident_.

P.S.: Yes, Kyoku has a genuine British accent.

P.S.S.: I do not own _FEA_ or _Garry's Incident_.

* * *

"Awful Video Games"

* * *

"It's sad, really, 'cause what a great concept, eh? 'You crashed in a jungle. _Survive._ Figure everything out.' Sounds great, potentially. Sounds awesome," Kyoku sighed. "Buuut, the way that they've executed it is just horrendous. The over-focus on combat—and the fact that the combat is terrible—is he gonna pass through—he's gonna pass through, isn't he?"

As expected, the (badly animated) tribesman passed right through the plant.

Kyoku threw his hands up before pursuing— _eeeeever_ so quietly. "'course he is…" he grumbled as he got behind the tribesman. " _'Course_ he is. The ability for things to collide against each other would be _far_ too much to ask here."

Morgan stared in disbelief as Kyoku stealthily moved his character up to the tribesman's back, where he proceeded to slash at him five times.

As the tribesman recoiled three times from the attacks, Kyoku was starting to get very annoyed.

"Can I…?"

Then Kyoku stopped, his eyes widening in disbelief at the sight before him.

The tribesman—despite the sneak attack that _just happened to him_ —continued on its merry patrol.

" _WHAT?!_ " Kyoku exclaimed. " _Whaaat?!_ I hit him five times—er, three times in the back, and he—doesn't even know that I'm here!" He let out a small, constrained chuckle as he followed. " _Why_ is this game! I'm not even gonna ask _what_ is this game!"

Then Owain noticed a spear at the edge of the screen. "Hey, behind you!"

Then Kyoku and Morgan noticed the spear. As Kyoku glanced behind his character, the first tribesman suddenly turned around. A split second later, as Kyoku was turning away from the _second_ tribesman, the first charged at his character, killing him instantly.

"What?! _Now_ he realizes—?!" the Zero shouted.

The game only answered with another loading screen.

"Oh—screw _everything_ about this! I'm sorry; I _can't_ take another _minute_ of this _dreadful_ thing!"


	2. Bluefield

I was walking by the tent when I heard Kyoku groan out loud.

"Auhhhhhh… I…It is— _What_ is it with last year and _awful_ video games?! We've had a game that's _way_ too _offensive_ to talk about, and we've had _this,_ and I _don't_ know which is worse!"

Video games? Oh, dear.

Raising an eyebrow (not that anyOne outside would really see), I poked my head through the tent flap. Kyoku had brought along his laptop computer, on which he was playing what looked like a first-person game. Owain and Morgan were sitting on either side of of him, watching…I wouldn't say "over his shoulders", but they definitely had room to watch him _and_ what he was playing.

As I walked in, Morgan noticed me and quickly put an index finger to her lips. A clear message: don't interrupt.

I nodded as Kyoku, not acknowledging me, continued to rant.

"I—Maybe I'm going to go as far as to say that this is actually worse—"

Doubt it, if he's saying that one of the worst games on planet Earth isn't as bad as this.

"—but I think _maybe,_ it just gets away with it…Just _maybe!_ —on the subject…and the…no, subject _matter,_ more to the point. It—It manages to say, ' _Hey!_ I'm a little bit interesting because I'm a game that focuses on the concept of survival, and there's not a lot of those, so you should probably check me out!'"

At this point, Kyoku had left the village (which was suspiciously full of dead tribespeople), and had just gotten around a massive rock. On the other side, a hostile tribesman—probably a sentry?—was standing there, back turned towards the player.

What's ridiculous is the fact that this tribesman was standing on nothing, _three freaking feet in the air._

Kyoku had noticed this, too. I could _barely_ hear him chuckle as he approached, crouched, wooden machete thing out and ready.

"Behold!" Kyoku declared with sarcastic reverence. "The Floating Aborigine Tribesman Thingy!" As if in response, the sentry jumped down without any warning and turned to face the player character. "And his—"

The sentry did absolutely nothing. He just stood there, facing Kyoku's character as though he didn't exist.

Kyoku's eyes widened. There was a "No way. No _freaking_ way." look in his eyes.

Three seconds later, Kyoku burst out laughing, covering his mouth as he rocked in his seat. "Ohhhhh, noo…!" he managed to utter. "…ohhh, no…"

Silence as Kyoku tried to compose himself.

Morgan looked at me, incredulous.

I mouthed out: _I'll explain later._

Finally, Kyoku pulled his hands from over his mouth. The expression on his face was indescribable. (Well, maybe it is, but I don't know the words for it.)

"…This is a _full_ release…!" he said. "This is a _full_ release! It is _not_ an early look into a product in the making! This is _not_ a test for consumer feedback, guys! Seriously, I am _not_ lying to you! And this is after about _three_ patches— _three_ chances to fix over half of the problems here. But no—there's just _no_ way around it: This game is a _freaking_ di- _sas_ -ter!"

Pause. Kyoku draws breath again.

"It is a _wasted_ concept by a group of people that evidently does _not_ have the talent necessary to create something of this complexity, and good _heavens,_ did they screw it up! This is _last_ year's garbage game of the year! And more to the freaking point—"

Kyoku scrolled through his character's weapons until he found some weird, glowing, ancient arm-mounted device.

"—it's even got last _last_ year's garbage-game-of-the-year's _armgun!_ It's… …gods! It is…just… _horrendously bad!_ "

It was simply staggering, all right. And luckily, most of the gaming community knew that by now.

Kyoku threw up his hands before gesturing towards the tribesman sentry—who was _still standing there._ What's more, there was also a monkey that was doing absolutely nothing except run towards the player, run back into the grass, and repeat. Over and over.

"I have a feeling that this guys doesn't know that I'm here—because I'm in _stealth_ mode, I assume!" Kyoku exclaimed. "It doesn't matter that I'm in his field of vision. Because I'm crouching, I'm also in stealth mode. This monkey is running backwards and forwards! This tribesman right here—"

And Kyoku switched back to the wooden weapon and flailed in a bid to get the other guy's attention. _**"…HI."**_

Aaaaaaaand… Nothing.

Owain was so taken aback by this at this point that he was leaning back, amazed by this awful video game.

"Lemme guess: if I stand up, he's gonna see me immediately?"

Kyoku stood his character up. The tribesman immediately charged and started flailing at him.

"Of course."

There was a resignation in Kyoku's voice as he let the tribesman kill the character, resulting in a (stupid) death animation.

Insert (another) loading screen.


	3. Morgan - Ending

"…Oh, gods, I wanna find the people responsible for creating this thing and just…"

The game finally "reloaded", and we were welcomed back to the village with a bunch of people screaming their death throes (again).

"…stick them in a flying machine," he continued, "force them to crash-land in a jungle, and fight for survival against badly-animated islanders—it spawned me in the…"

As Kyoku muttered a bunch of unintelligible words, mister Bluefield finally walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. "You, uh, quite done with these bad games today?" he inquired.

Kyoku jumped, turned to stare up at his mentor. "Wha—oh, Bluefield."

"Hey, don't worry—you're not in _that_ much trouble," he said. But then he frowned. "Just kinda sucks that _this_ particular title was how you introduced them to video games."

"Oh… Well, that's not _entirely_ why I did this."

Mister Blu raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah." Kyoku shut the laptop closed before turning back to face Mister Blu. "I wanted to show Owain here how one of my favorite games critics reacted to this very game."

Owain nodded. "Mm-hmm. Plus, I'd like to add a character of such a cynical foreigner to my repertoire."

"I…see." Blu then turned to me. "So, Morgan—what about you?"

"Huh? Oh—well, I was passing by when I heard Kyoku yell, ' _What the hell killed me?!_ ' I was alarmed, so I charged in. But, instead of Kyoku laying on the ground with an assassin nearby, I found Kyoku _and_ Owain—both alive and well—playing this, er, 'game'." I shrugged. "Sheesh, I don't think I can recall ever seeing _anything_ with _that_ many problems."

"Oh-ho—trust me, Morgan," Kyoku said, chuckling(?). "This is hardly the _worst_ video game from Bluefield's world—and it's certainly nowhere _near_ the quality of a _good_ game."

"Ugh," Bluefield uttered as he finally sat down with us. "And the best part of it all? Not only is _that very game_ bad, the game's _makers_ are bad."

I looked at him, skeptical. "Really? How much worse can they be?"

"No, not _can_ , Morgan," Bluefield corrected, face grim and—to some degree—angry. " _Could._ "

Owain looked _very_ interested in this, as well. "A group who acted in dastardly, underhanded ways? Surely this would be a story that can live in infamy."

"Just make sure to keep your sword hand in check, Owain," Bluefield advised, a grim look on his face. "The 'villains' of this story have already been— _metaphorically_ —killed in the crib, courtesy of their own actions. Besides, I doubt any of them have fought in a war before, let alone one with swords."

With that, Bluefield turned to his mentee. "Kyoku, do you still have that little history folder on there?"

"'Course I do. Why?"

"Simple: it's storytime."


End file.
